August 10 2011 – Day 1

Let me start this off by saying I’ve always kept a hand written journal. Something about typing my thoughts makes me feel like I’m betraying my trusty paper and pen but I need to cross this off my bucket list. So, here it is. The blog.

So now the questions is what exactly do I write about. I suppose I could write about anything but I think I should have a central focus. As a 22 year-old fresh college graduate, I think there are two obvious choices: work and love. Since I probably can’t legally talk about work (I’m a school teacher) I’ll revert to the second option: love.

Before we begin, I feel like I should introduce the major players in my life, our cast of characters if you will. I’ll start with our main cast and then go on to those who play supporting roles (both current and past seasons).

Main Cast
Ava – Ava is my best friend. We are total opposites in life and love. She’s wild, ambitious, outgoing, and against love. Well, she was against love until recently when she started dating Bert. Bert is best friends with Andre (more about him later). Ava is my logical half. While I’m off in Hopelessly in Love Land, she brings me down to the real world. I can’t get by without her.

Kay – Kay is my other best friend. Her and I are exactly the same. So, when I want to do something boy related that I know Ava would say is “against the rules” I go to Kay, she’s always supportive in making poor love-life decisions. She, however, isn’t always there for me like Ava. Kay is one-sided when it comes to love. She’s currently dating Edie and no one hears from her because she works her entire life around him. You all know those girls.

Supporting Roles
Joe – Joe is my ex-boyfriend. We met the first week of college and started dating a month after that. We broke up this past October and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. We broke up because I cheated on Joe. Joe and I were wildly in love and began planning out lives together freshman year. We would get married after school, have 3 kids named Lily, Charlie, and Sophia. Everything was set until I had a breakdown junior year. Without getting into too much detail I needed to see a therapist and out relationship began its downhill spiral. I think he was afraid of hurting me and setting me off. I just became annoyed with him thinking I was so fragile. We stopped being intimate and things were just bad. We were too comfortable with each other and I cheated out of a desire to feel wanted again. Joe still thinks we are meant to be together and I think I still love him, I just don’t think I’m in love with him. We talk occasionally.

Andre – Andre was my best guy friend. Him and I became friends my freshman year of college, his sophomore year. We became really close over the past two years and I thought I could tell him anything. When Joe and I broke up, everyone thought the two of us would get together. We tried it. We had a few great hook-up sessions but we both messed things up. He slept with some girl the night after him and I first kissed and I kissed his cousin (it was a really drunk night… let me just say). Well now we don’t talk. He has a girlfriend (who is not right for him by the way – ask anyone) and he is incredibly selfish. For example: he didn’t show up to my graduation party because he was “already drunk”. Hello – it was 5pm! He should have been there and I haven’t spoken to him since nor do I want to.

Levi – Levi is whom I cheated on Joe with. I studied abroad in Spain this past summer and Levi was in my group. I didn’t plan for it to happen and I know Levi didn’t either. In fact, he had a girlfriend at home too. But there was something about Levi. Maybe it was how daring and funny and sincere he was. We clicked and then one night, we kissed. It was an amazing kiss under a Spanish night walking down a deserted street. It happened and then we couldn’t stop thinking of each other. After Joe and I broke up, Levi came to visit (he’s from the East coast and I live in the Midwest) and I went to visit Levi for New Years. But, we haven’t spoken since I got on a plane to go back home. I still think about him.

Garrett – Garrett was my first older guy and also the first guy who I can say I “dated”. Garrett and I met at a bar and although he’s not my type, his persistence intrigued me. It’s been four months since Garrett and I first started seeing each other. The first 3 month were very one-sided and on his schedule. We met up late Friday and Saturday nights to have sex and that was it. Except for this past month where we’ve been going on dates, holding hands, doing laundry together… acting all too couply. I’ve tried to ask what we are but Garrett panics. I feel like he wants to be with me, but he’s not. I’ve got to end it with him… I’m just not sure how.

Nick – Nick was the bartender at my friends wedding. During a drunk dare, I got his number. And then during another drunk dare, I texted him. Well… we’ve been texting ever since and tonight’s actually our first date. But something tells me he’ll be important. I’ll let you know how it goes.

So now that the cast has been set, I must tell you about the star: me. I’m a hopeless romantic. Romantic as in I cry while watching The Prince and Me (classic Julia Stiles) and hopeless as in I have way too high of expectations for relationships and love. I want butterflies and picnics on the beach. Realistically, I know that will never happen but I would do anything to meet someone and just know. Just know that it will be like the movies.

But, life isn’t like the movies. Boys don’t fly across the country and surprise you on your doorstep a la’ Justin Long in Going the Distance. . And they don’t spend their lives waiting for you to return and kiss you in the rain via Ryan Gosling in The Notebook.

Yet, that’s still what I want.

So welcome to my love adventure - it’ll be a bumpy ride.

L in L,
L